


Into the Maw

by LazyJabbur



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: F/M, I've been listening to the Interstellar soundtrack too much, M/M, also, also rating may change, but I still don't know if it's going to stay platonic or change pace, but Star Wars physics are questionable, but with smut, everyone loves black holes, fair warning, in which case it'll be like a 'choose your own adventure', just had an idea and I liked it, op is flaky AF and may quit halfway through story, reader is gender neutral for maximum insert, the other characters only make a brief appearance so idk if it's worth tagging 'em, this is a kylo/reader fic because, unless I do end up changing pace, wink wonk, with the aforementioned possible smut, you know, you spend a lot of time together
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-16
Updated: 2017-07-16
Packaged: 2018-12-03 02:00:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11522181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LazyJabbur/pseuds/LazyJabbur
Summary: The war is over and Kylo Ren is put on trial for his crimes.Despite renouncing his former master and helping to bring an end to the Dark Side, it is decided that there is no place for him in the galaxy.The war is over and the people you loved most are dead.Despite the hoards of caring people who could make the Resistance feel like home again, is there still a place for you in this galaxy?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> *comes back from like a year long hiatus to start another fic*  
> Heyyyyyyyyyyyyy  
> So I haven't signed in for a while and when I logged in I saw the lovely comments you guys left on Father of the Valley Q.Q so hopefully I'll get back on that soon!
> 
> In the meantime, here's a thing. I hope it's a good thing. I think I know how to start and end it but the middle is kind of a grey area. I don't think it's going to take too long though, like 6 chapters max? So maybe even my commitment phobic butt could finish it.
> 
> More notes at the end because spoilers.

You scroll through the contacts on your datapad again, hungover as fuck and trying to distract yourself from the nausea. The morning came grey over the horizon, filtered through the cloud cover, and you turn to your news feed again even though nothing there would matter soon. The taste of your breath and the way your sheets cling to you feel suffocating, tight and sick and tired. Back to the list of people. The only names left that you still needed to talk to had neat little crosses at the start of their entries- though you had lost them during the war, you never took their data down. You never wanted to forget them, no matter how brief the contact for some.

Unable to think positively about the situation in your current vulnerable state, you pull up the comm channel that catches your eye every time you flick through. You won’t exactly be able to visit a medcenter for help with emotional processing later, so you may as well find your own way to work through this. Last established contact- holo call, three years and four months ago. You start trying to type a message, but struggle to find the words to say after hello. Giving up, you sit up against the wall, using the cool surface to straighten your back as you cross your legs and breathe deep. Without the sheets, the cold air of the room feels better. Not quite refreshing (the air is still stale on your tongue) but it suits the dim light of dawn and helps you think clearly. You still can’t see the shape of what you need to say, but maybe if you start you’ll find your way there by the end. You start recording the audio message to send.

“ _Hey. So, uh, I’m not really sure where to begin. My ‘pad says it’s been more than three years since we last spoke, since you fell. Were killed. And I need to talk to you. I mean, um. We weren’t the closest- you were a good friend, but you weren’t like Alsya, who I grew up with, though I should say goodbye to her too, and you weren’t the best at advice, so that’s not- I mean- ugh. I’m calling you because you’re the one he killed. I know he’s killed others. Lots. But you’re the only one I knew. And I know I should probably be talking to a therapist, but with the one they made me go to I didn’t tell them- I wasn’t ready, I think. I didn’t even really know what I was feeling. Still don’t. And I think they were mostly checking I wasn’t- I don’t know, out for revenge or maybe secretly on his side or something. But, fuck, I don’t know. I guess I wanted to say sorry. Or ask if it’s ok. I just- I’m sorry. And, I.”_

Your head thunks back against the wall as you run out of words for half a minute, until you realise why you chose her.

“ _And I promise I won’t let it happen again. I won’t let anyone else- I’ll do my duty. I promise you. I need to remember you, and I need to remember what I promised to you. If you had a grave, maybe I would have visited to promise there. If I had time. I mean, I had time, I’ve had months to do this, but I’ve left it all- ignored it, I guess. And there’s so much- fuck, sorry. This isn’t your conversation. I promised, so thank you. I promise. I’m sorry.”_

You stop the recording and immediately switch over to Alsya’s channel. You’ve been avoiding this for so long, but now you know what you want to say and it’s bubbling in your chest, below your throat, so you quickly press for another recording.

“ _I miss you. I miss you, and I’m an idiot, and I’ve had months and I’ve left it all, there was so much I wanted to see and they would have let me go if I’d only asked, there were so many things I wanted to do but I’ve just been- I’ve just been here and empty and getting ready and if you were here you would have forced me out, forced me to live one last time and- we would have gone to Coruscant, like you always told me we would one day, and after all the shitty clubs we’d have lost all our credits in a gambling den on the last night, and we would have gone to Naboo, and you would have tried to impress one of the ladies of nobility with that fucking stupid joke you always make, and-“_

You continue for what feels like hours, all the things you would have done with her. The galaxy, laid out at your feet like you’d always promised eachother, freedom to do all those things that you’d never seemed to quite have time for between battle until suddenly you came back from a skirmish and her bunk was empty and there was a resistance officer with such sad but kind eyes and a few glasses of whiskey to ease the blow and she was gone, gone, gone. And you’d seen it happen a thousand times over, had lost so many friends but had never imagined it would be her. And less than a month later the war was over.

Later, after going through old memories and making new promises and never once saying goodbye, because you couldn’t, it would be final this time and you might still have more to say someday even though there _weren’t any days left,_ you wrap up the call-

“- _but you’re not here. You’re not here, and that’s why I’m going. So I’ll. I’ll…. Message you soon.”_

It’s still early enough that the base felt pretty much deserted, the days here long enough that the sun rose a good five hours before the morning shift started. The canteen isn’t fully open yet so you grab some leftover fruit and portion packs on the side from yesterday. The food is cold and sticks to your teeth as you chew. Unsatisfying and a heavy weight in your stomach but you’d feel worse without it. Afterwards, you make your way outside. It’s still dull and cloudy but the grass at your feet is pretty green and the slight wind feels clean. It’s not a landscape of startling beauty but this isn’t a holofilm and it’s… this is just enough. Any nicer and you wouldn’t leave. Anyone to share it with and you wouldn’t leave. But they were gone, and you go tonight.

You turn around and see a familiar figure on one of the balconies before you head inside. It’s weird to see him in anything other than black.

_The trial itself was surprisingly short considering the subject and the history. Most of the galaxy called for his death even after the full story of Snoke’s abuse and manipulation came to light. Even after betraying the First Order. After all, he had still had to answer for his actions before then._

_However, his part in bringing down the Order and everything with it planted the seed for small mercies. Not that he seemed to mind the death penalty- it was others who fought on his behalf, for a second chance. He just looked so… tired. Through the entire trial, he quietly accepted the anger of others. It wasn’t exactly the peace of the Light that he wore so much as the exhaustion of everything he’d carried even before he was born. Along with the scar on his face, the lines under his eyes were deeper and the light in them duller- ironic, considering which side he’d returned to._

_Like the ashes after a fire that had burned itself out, or the quiet of a broken landscape after a storm._

_Rey gave the last push to a different verdict, in the end. As far as the rest of the galaxy was concerned, Kylo Ren would be dead to them in every way that mattered. In three months’ time, he would be aboard a ship on a fixed path that nobody on board could alter, even with the force. A small fleet would follow most of the way, to make sure there were no escape attempts._

_The final destination was a small planet in orbit of a black hole, part of a cluster known as the Maw. Fitting, considering the history it had with prisons and Imperials._

_Even if the ship were to immediately return, at least five hundred years would have passed by the time it took to return to the known galaxy. With the exception of some alien races, everyone alive during the war would be long gone._

_Many still worried that this was a ruse, that he would simply return to the dark side and come back to conquer a galaxy that had grown soft with peace._

_And so they planned to have a safeguard, something that could be armed and shielded from the force. Something that could kill him if needed. Droids were the first thought until concerns were raised- they could easily be reprogrammed._

_And he- he still looked so tired. Quiet. Human. Mortal._

_You raised your hand, and volunteered._


	2. Take Off

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You get ready, you go.  
> The author gets bogged down in detail and characters probably get a little bit OOC.  
> Hopefully not.

Nothing much happened for the rest of that morning, and then suddenly everything seemed to be happening at once. You’re guided to a few rooms and checked over- one last quick mental assessment, a last chance to bow out. The equipment you’ve been training with these past few months- the Force inhibiting armour, the array of weapons, the medkits, the crop cultivator droids, the ship’s emergency systems- the domestic tasks of surviving in isolation at odds with the battle skills you were more used to. And, of course, the ones specific to your target- your charge- your companion.

With the help of Rey, respected psychologists and old academics who’d preserved what they could of Force knowledge, you’d put together a checklist of sorts. Behaviours to watch out for. Symptoms of the Dark Side, as it were. And ways to deal with them, including the final solution if necessary.

And you’d trained against Rey, against Finn, against every other Force user that was available- except, of course, the one you would be guarding. No point giving away what you’d managed to learn in just a few months.

You start to catch the odd glimpse of him as you were ushered from one room to the next, your eyes meeting every now and then. And you remember that first time face to face, after the week or so of various investigators checking your history and motives for volunteering.

_It was in a small conference room not unlike the ones you were going through, well guarded but as you stepped through someone had made an attempt to make it more welcoming- to avoid scaring you off, it seemed. There were a few small floral displays around and a bowl of fruit on the table he sat behind, Rey standing near his shoulder. Who was she protecting? Both of you perhaps, or maybe neither- just for appearance’s sake. He stood as you approached, shook your hand- cool and dry skin, a gentle grip that you knew could crush your bones to broken if he wanted- and cordially began a conversation. An interview, really. Not that he had any say in whether you went or not._

_It was odd. Perhaps you were still numb from the losses that had racked up over the course of the war, but you didn’t hate him. Especially when you could not say you would have been any different with the childhood he had. He still looked tired but it wasn’t the bone-deep exhaustion he clearly had during the trial. That was a little odd, too, considering he had just been sentenced to- well, not quite death, but not far off. Handsome, as you had noted in a detached sort of way during the trial. You didn’t find that thought repellent or shocking, but you weren’t exactly inclined to act upon it either. You were there to pull the trigger, after all.  
_

_You neither liked nor disliked him, and it wasn’t an emotion specific to him that had compelled you to raise your hand that day but an urge whispering deep inside of you that there was one last way to help the Resistance. Maybe it was leftover guilt from all those you’d failed to protect, maybe it was a way to escape the memories, maybe- most likely- it was because you’d felt lost after the war. This was a purpose, a reason to be, even if only for a little while longer._

_He seemed to sense this as the conversation went on, asking what you’d be leaving behind. The answer was not much. He didn’t seem particularly interested, never pursuing beyond what he needed to know, and considering you were discussing a deeper commitment than most marriages he ran out of questions pretty quickly. A little stiff and socially awkward, though he was polite. Neither of you had really moved beyond short sentences, sticking to facts and safe topics until-_

_“You know, when I was little I used to pretend I could time travel. Me and Alsya, we used to… We were from Nush, and it was pretty poor. Kind of barren, after the Empire mined the planet dry. We used to pretend we… we’d wake up in the world before that, and we’d be nobility dressed in silk. And I guess I never forgot about that, I always loved all the cheesy time travel holovid plots. Past, future, finding new ways to live when you're thrown into a different galaxy. It’s not why I volunteered, but… I don’t know, I thought it was kind of funny that I’ve ended up signing up to do just that. If I’m chosen, I mean.”_

_He didn’t reply, and you wish you’d said something better. Something more intelligent, or at the very least something less sentimental. But there was nothing judgmental in his gaze. Just a sudden feeling that he was more present in the moment than he had been before. And he was looking at you, really looking at you, those dark eyes of his focussed on your own and it stopped you from glancing away like you had been while speaking, trapped in a weirdly intense staring contest._

_And then he nodded, and Rey escorted you out, and you began breathing again (when had that stopped?)._

Back in the present you're suited, booted, and saying goodbye to everyone who’d helped you. Some were looking a little worse for wear after the farewell party they’d thrown last night, and you can sympathise after your own hangover this morning. All your close friends were gone so it was cordial handshakes all round- until Rey and Finn, who pull you into a tight hug between them.

“Thank you, (Y/N). We can’t board your ship after today, but we’ll stay in contact until… until we can’t any more.”

Rey buries her face into your shoulder after that and Finn squeezes you both with the arms he’d wrapped around you.

“See you on the other side, soldier. Just like time travel, right?”

You smile back at him, your smile trembling a little as you realise this was probably the last time you’d ever be part of such an affectionate moment- the last time you’d be in a friendly embrace with people you had nothing but love and respect for, feeling the warmth of them wrapping around you and protecting you. You bite your tongue, _hard_ , clamping your jaws shut against the rising emotion and nod in answer to Finn. You can feel Rey’s face twisting in the same attempt to quell it and see Finn’s jaw tense, the three of you all instinctually fighting vulnerability, a habit learned during your hard childhoods. BB8 bumps against the back of your legs as Poe’s arms come around from behind, and then there’s a slight parting to let Rose into the huddle. You duck your head down, glad to hide in Finn’s shoulder for a moment, and when you can look back up without crying you see Ren standing about ten feet away, looking a little lost. You consider beckoning him in, but you both know that he’s hurt these people too much to be part of it- it would be uncomfortable, even if they have accepted who he is. And after all those years being isolated time and again, you don’t think he’d be comfortable at such an open display of affection, either. You stop thinking about it and snuggle deeper into the embrace for a moment that ends too soon, the group pulling apart and you suddenly wish you’d never gotten to know these bright, shining people over the past few months because you never realised how close you’d become until this exact point in time and suddenly it’s hard to breathe.

And then you don’t feel quite so bad when Rey goes up to Ren and tackles him into a hug that pins his arms to his sides, his nonplussed expression comical over the top of her head until he closes he eyes and leans into her- the closest he’ll come to hugging in public, you suppose. The others shake his hand- apart from Poe, who uses it to tug him into a one armed embrace.

Surprising perhaps, but you suppose he'd had plenty of time to talk to them. Time to understand eachother a little more.

And then too soon you’re walking onto the ship, your new home, strange and sterile still despite all the time you’d spent learning the controls, despite knowing that all the belongings you’d asked for were safely in your room, despite knowing that there would be hidden kindnesses from the Resistance in every corner they could get past the security checks of the reformed republic. You turn back, waiting for Ren to board- but he was already at your side. The cloudy day outside suddenly seems so much brighter when framed by the metal entrance- and Ren’s hand is at your shoulder.

“You can still go back. There are other candidates who also trained- who are ready. If you want.”

You look back out at them, feeling the warm weight of his hand on you. Those wonderful people you’d come to know- you knew they would welcome you back, would understand _,_ but there was that little voice, that urge you’d felt during the trial, that quiet whisper- _not yours_. You could see so clearly the nights ahead playing Sabacc with them, little conversations in the day that would lead to opening up about your memories, going on adventures across the galaxy as you tried to mend the fractures of the war- but they weren’t _your_ friends, the ones who had already left you behind. And in that gut feeling you knew that wasn’t _your_ path to take. There’s that quiet gaze again when you turn your face to Ren and nod.

“I’m ready.”

He lets go and you wave one last time before heading to the cockpit. You don’t think you can bear to watch the entrance close behind you. The comms channel opens as the ship's systems whirr into action.

“This is Comms-Tower-Thirty-Six to Lux E, do you copy?”

“Loud and clear, Cee-Tee Thirty Six.”

“Co-ordinates have been set and you are cleared for take off in ten minutes. Establishing a line with the fleet leader in five.”

“Understood.”

You start going through the switches on the dash- all for show, since every part of your journey had been preprogrammed weeks before, but it didn’t hurt to practice. Though you're still certain of your choice, butterflies are gathering in your belly and you just want it to be over with.

Those five minutes before the fleet leader established contact stretch out, your gut feeling like it had turned into liquid. You check and recheck the switches as a distraction, and then your armour. Ren is still in the other room, so you take off the braces that shielded you from the force to double check they were adjusted correctly- and in the brief moment they were off, Rey’s voice bubbles through.

_Thank you. I’m glad he’s not alone._

And then they were on, and you were.

As the ship rises your nausea surges with it, slowly climbing through the atmosphere until the sky fades to black.

And then the jump into hyperspace is an unexpected relief that breaks over you in a wave.

After a moment you feel like you can trust your knees enough to stand, so you check in with the fleet leader and open the door back to the central room.

Ren’s there, sitting to the side, elbows resting on knees.

He looks at peace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These chapters are coming out far shorter than I expected, hopefully that means I can keep making them?
> 
> Anyway if Reader-Insert seems a little vague or contradictory on their feelings about Ren that's intentional, I still don't know how their relationship will develop. You might have to kill him after all, you might spend the rest of your lives as weird black hole farmer buddies, you might both fall prey to the Dark Side- I think wookiepedia mentioned that black holes have a weird effect on Force sensitives- and return to the galaxy all like 'SURPRISE BITCH' for lots of conquerings and top quality cackling.

**Author's Note:**

> So ever since watching Interstellar I've really liked the plot device of black holes + time and it's featured into a few of the elaborate SW daydreams I've had, including a version with a self insert born wayyyyyy before the Empire finally escaping from a dicey situation with a black hole and ending up slap bang in the war of the sequels, confusing everyone with their old fashioned slang and trying to figure out which side to stick with. They probably used to be part of some kind of delivery service before the incident, but may pretend they were some kind of nobility. Ren's mind reading abilities are usually the spanner in the works for THAT particular notion.
> 
> Unfortunately Star Wars tends to be pretty pick-n-mix with it's attitude towards the physics of black holes, ranging from cartoony depictions to outright improbable. And a lot of the times it's mentioned tend to be in the extended universe, which episode 7 has proved is likely to change. So for the sake of this comic I'd like you to apply an Interstellar framework over the amazingly impractical creation that is the Maw (http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/The_Maw) and please put your disbelief in suspenders because we're pretending that humans would be able to survive at this distance. If Interstellar can ignore the fact that the gravity required to shift oceans would have destroyed the puny humans long before the waves, you can accept this author's half assed physics. Please.
> 
> I haven't done any research on how much time would actually pass, I just sort of went "A hundred's not enough. Make it at least five hundred, maybe more if they spend more time there, maybe eternity if they never leave" so I'd have lots of leeway.
> 
> Also from the SW games at least black holes don't seem to affect hyperspace, which is treated like another dimension, but if you're in one in 'realspace' it's just as difficult to get out as you would generally expect, I think because you're fighting against the gravity so you can't go straight to lightspeed and therefore hyperspace until you're far enough away. So. Time.
> 
> I do have more things to say that aren't just complaining about finding references for black hole physics in this universe but APPARENTLY NOT I guess I'll say them next chapter.


End file.
